For all the great plays and heartwarming stories in sports, there’s also the ugly and awful. Each Saturday, we’ll be bringing you 3-5 of the worst plays/decisions by athletes from that week. Some will be sad, some will be pathetic, but hopefully, most will be funny.
DeAndre Ayton:
The Suns were supposed to have a better year – but the golden shower hit them early this year. Last year’s #1 overall pick DeAndre Ayton was hit with a 25 game suspension for testing positive for a diuretic – generally used as a masking agent because it makes you pee more, getting anything out of the body faster. Given that there were no traces of any other drugs, it is possible Ayton will have the suspension reduced, but it is unusual for players to win their appeals.
I don’t really have that much more to say on this topic, besides for that this is exactly what Suns under bettors need (Woohoo). Also, a word of advice, DeAndre. I know you were just trying to get high during the summer. Use cranberry juice next time, my dude.
Houston Astros and Brandon Taubman:
I am somewhat weary about this topic; firstly because this has become national news and people who are far better writers and far better sourced than I have written about this, and secondly, because besides saying that many members of the Astros management behaved horribly over the last week (A.J. Hinch and the players other than Osuna should not be lumped in), I don’t feel I’m the right person to speak on this. This is a far more serious topic with more profound implications about American power structures than a somewhat joking article should take on.
That being said, I want to provide a means to educate oneself on the topic. I have linked to a shorter podcast on the subject here and Jeff Passan’s look at the pervasive issues in the Astros organization here. In addition, if you have a subscription to the Athletic, Evan Drellich has a fantastic article on the same issue.
Finally, good for Stephanie Apstein for standing up for herself and speaking out. Among all the other lessons here is a simple one. Don’t be an asshole.
Rob Drake:
On the other hand, I’m more than willing to talk about this idiot. Drake is an umpire for MLB, but he wasn’t chosen to work during the 2019 playoffs. In a quickly deleted tweet, Drake wrote,
“I will be buying an AR-15 tomorrow, because if you impeach MY PRESIDENT this way, YOU WILL HAVE ANOTHER CIVAL WAR!!! #MAGA2020”
Firstly, incredible spelling of Civil there, Rob. You came so close – I’ll give you a C- for spelling because I’m feeling generous today. Beyond the frankly idiotic message of the whole tweet, another extremely stupid thing stands out to me. If you’re a Trump fan, which I am certainly not, why are you still saying MAGA? Hasn’t your Cheeto King saved the world? Why is there an again? Oh – breaking news – mindless Trump sheep aren’t very smart.
Of course, Drake also isn’t very good at actually calling the game. Here is a pitch literally down the middle which Drake somehow forgot to call a strike.
Honestly, this is just another good reason for robot umps. Not only will the calls be more accurate, but MAGA robots can just be turned off. Andrew Yang is right – I hope automation takes Drake’s job.
Los Angeles Chargers:
I almost wrote about the Chargers for last week’s article, but I didn’t want to be accused of mere Steelers bias. After the debacle at the goal line last weekend, I had to talk about the vagabonds from Southern California.
Two weeks ago, the Chargers had a home game against the Steelers in primetime. Home should maybe be put in quotes because the Chargers play in a soccer stadium and usually have more fans of the opposing team than their own watching the game. This was especially true against Pittsburgh, whose fans are known for traveling well. While getting crushed, even the Chargers game operations team seemed to abandon the hometown boys. They played “Renegade”, a Styx song which is played at the beginning of the 4th quarter in Pittsburgh. While it was intended to give way to a Rick Astley gag, the whole thing backfired.
After that loss, could things get worse? Yes… Yes they could. Facing Tennessee, the Chargers lost in the most Chargers fashion possible. After having a first touchdown called back to the half yard line on review, the teams traded penalties, and the Chargers had first down at the 1, a touchdown would win and a field goal would tie. What happened next – well, you have to watch.
Two touchdowns called back, a greedy RB who held out, fumbling the ball? The only way this could have been a more Chargers loss was for it to somehow involve the kicker. Good luck to the Bolts in whatever city they end up in 5 years from now (hi, St. Louis).
Bonus: Ignoring Josh Hart
Josh Hart has certainly seen a lot in his basketball life. He was a key member of the 2016 Villanova National Championship team, and was on the court to watch Kris Jenkins hit the magical shot to beat North Carolina. He was drafted to the Lakers and played last season alongside LeBron, then traded as part of the package that the Pelicans received for Anthony Davis.
One thing that seems to be consistent for Hart is an inability to connect on high fives – not because he misses, but because people just don’t notice him. The wonderful folks at TNT put together a compilation on Shaqtin’ a Fool (condolences to you on the death of your sister, Big Aristotle) of Hart apparently having cooties.
While the Pelicans are 0-2, Hart has played quite well, so I’m going to say this is a case of keeping whatever works.
