For all the great plays and heartwarming stories in sports, there’s also the ugly and awful. Each weekend, we’ll be bringing you 3-5 of the worst plays/decisions/anything else from that week. Some will be sad, some will be pathetic, but hopefully, most will be funny.
This week I’ve decided to focus on basketball, as the return of my favorite sport has meant far more stories about the foibles of players and teams. Browns fan, you can exhale, I will not be talking about your QB’s grooming habits. The Jets’ loss to the Dolphins doesn’t even qualify – but the Cowboys somehow losing to the Jets a month ago is hilarious. In any case, let’s get into the meat of it, or maybe just the soft gummy center.
Dion Waiters’ Gummy Escapades
This column was created for a story like this. Having started the season not passing the Miami Heat’s conditioning test, Dion Waiters had worked his way back into shape, but missed the game against the Suns because of stomach problems. In a completely relatable move, Waiters probably wanted to rest on the flight home, and so he took an unknown number of weed gummies. Apparently, he had a panic attack, seizure, or was unresponsive in some way – it’s not completely clear. What is clear is that Dion suffered from something that many have – not knowing the potency of edibles.
Now, Dion is likely to be suspended if this is substantiated, because the league prohibits the use of THC products. But he’s also sort of an American hero. The brazenness of someone who hadn’t played because of conditioning problems popping edibles at work is something to behold. Then again, we are talking about Dion Waiters…
Hold your head high, Dion. Literally.
Eric Bledsoe’s Error
Oh wow. This is bad, and would probably be the “high”light of this week if not for Mr. Waiters. Like with Dion, this behavior should probably lead to Bledsoe being drug-tested.
I imagine Giannis thinking “dude, you’re Eric Bledsoe, and I’m the MVP… pass me the ball”. The real confusion here is the fact that there is no basketball game where you take the ball out yourself – you always either pass it in or check it up. This is the kind of stunt your friend who bends the rules plays – I certainly didn’t think I would see it in a NBA game.
Walker’s Chance in Goal
This is what happens when what looks like the worst of the week becomes an awesome story – thanks to Jay Thomas for helping explain this.
To set the scene, Manchester City and Atalanta are playing a group stage match in the Champions League. Ederson, the starting goalie for City, was injured and replaced by backup Claudio Bravo at half. When Bravo was sent off in the 81st minute, City faced some questions as they had no more goalies on the roster.
Suddenly, defender Kyle Walker decided he would take a chance in goal. He grabbed Bravo’s jersey and prepared to enter the field of play; however, the refs would not let him on the pitch as he was wearing another player’s number.
Finally, they let Walker on, and amazingly, he saved a free kick, which also happened to be the first save by an English Keeper in the Champions League since 2016. City then held the ball in the corner, ensuring a draw and a clean sheet for their unusual keeper.
Fun Fact: Walker had more saves during that game than Bravo or Ederson.
Second Fun Fact: Walker became technically the 4th most expensive keeper ever.
Worst of the week? Atalanta, for not being able to score on a non-goalie. Teams at their level rarely beat teams like City, and not taking advantage of this situation was brutal.
Trailblazers Failure at Revenge
Monday, November 4th, the Portland Trailblazers had a mission in the Bay Area. After last year’s Western Conference Finals sweep at the hand of the Warriors, the Blazers had significant ambitions this year, but struggled a bit out of the gate.
While Portland brought its star backcourt to San Francisco, the Warriors mascot may as well have been a gurney. Klay Thompson is already out for the season, and Steph Curry’s hand was recently broken. Stalwarts Draymond Green and Kevon Looney were out as well, as was star acquisition DeAngelo Russell.
Not a single player playing for the Warriors had ever played a playoff minute for the team from the Bay. The Warriors had a nine-man roster – starting were rookies Ky Bowman, Jordan Poole, and Eric Paschall alongside vets Willie Cauley-Stein and Glenn Robinson III. Coming off the bench were Omari Spellman, Marquese Chriss, Damion Lee, and Alec Burks. Only Lee had played a game for the Warriors before this year. The team looked closer to Jay Wright’s championship Villanova teams (Spellman and Paschall were there) than any recent Warriors Vintage.
Final Score: Warriors 127, Blazers 118. Whoops. Paschall exploded for 34 points, and the Blazers couldn’t take revenge. I love Dame and CJ, but they might want to think about beating a G-League quality team before discussions about contention.
Bonus: Harden’s Advanced Strip Club Metrics
After the struggles of the Rockets against the Heat last Saturday afternoon, discussion of why centered on one specific fact – Sunday afternoon games in Miami are hard when South Beach awaits on Saturday Night.
This is especially true when the star of your team is James Harden, beer legend and strip club aficionado. Harden is already known for having a literal banner hanging up at a Houston area strip club, which is definitely one kind of championship.
A Redditor has gone further, proving what we all thought – strip club quality does affect Harden’s play. This is groundbreaking data, and I am honestly impressed at the time AngryCentrist on Reddit spent looking at this – so I have linked his article here if you are interested in reading more.
